Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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