oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
