It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The struggles of a small town man whore
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
