I think I am morally bankrupt
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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