sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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