Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
