i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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