Pants 0. Shit 1.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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