I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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