this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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