I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
