SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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