Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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