the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
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On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
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Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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