He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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