please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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