And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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