I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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