I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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