Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
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