Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
