when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
His hands were made for my vagina.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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