i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
