you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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