omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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