That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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