it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
