A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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