Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
