I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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