Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
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he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
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No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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