I haven't been this sober since birth.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
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We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
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We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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