it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
