Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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