did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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