I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
