she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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