I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
