I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
