I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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