She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
