the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize
