I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
