i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
