At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
