There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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