i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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