I don't usually arrange sex via text message
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
