Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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