You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
