What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
