never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
