Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
