so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
