I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
time to smoke my breakfast
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
