my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
