My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
