I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
