So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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