I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
