Christians are straight up FREAKS
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
