So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Screwed.edu
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
