Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
