I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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