Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize