A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize