i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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