alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
