You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
