Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
