I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
