Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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