It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
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The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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