I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
