DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it because I queefed?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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