Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
