how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Boobs are out for the taking
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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