The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
