saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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